Hey, thank you.
Here's an Andrew Jackson.
Make a clean set of sheets happen,
I'll introduce you to his twin brother.
You don't have to do the banter, but what's it cost me?
Manny, it was a great idea to come on the train.
Rail is a last bastion of respectable travel
now that every airport has become a sweat-pant convention.
We are all traveling to Portland
because Jay's ex-wife, Dede, is getting remarried.
We're so happy.
For us.
It means the end of those damn alimony payments,
so I'm gonna make sure Dede goes through with it.
It'll be, "I do," "I do," "I'm done."
Dude, how much choice action are we gonna get on this trip?
I'm managing my expectations.
Don't you know anything about trains?
Chicks go crazy.
The vibrations get them all worked up.
Also, they're trapped, which is nice.
Hey.
We're just gonna go bang out this toast for Mom.
Yeah. Shouldn't have waited till the last minute.
It'll be a nice distraction from your motion sickness.
It's good, as long as I'm not facing backwards
when the train is -- Oh, God, no.
Lead me.
All right, I got it.
- There you go. Fixed point. - Mm-hmm.
Sync and corrections by gloriabg www.addic7ed.com
Oh, my God, it can't be.
What? No, it's not a bald spot.
I slept on it funny last night.
No. The guy two rows back.
- Oh, my... - That's Simon Ha--
- Hastings. - Oh, my --
You're a fan of his, too?
Oh, my -- He's my favorite author.
Don't tell Mitchell, but I was so engrossed
in his last book, I didn't feed Lily for a day and a half.
Wait a second.
Simon Hastings is the genius behind
the Silverton mystery novels.
"Dismembers Only."
"A Death of Fresh Air."
The world has been waiting
for the final book of the trilogy
for almost, what, 10 years?
I missed it so much, I took a stab at writing fan fiction.
What?
I put Silverton in the harrowing world of real estate
with "Open House, Closed Casket."
Goose bumps.
- Hey! - Hey!
We hate to bother you, but you are our favorite author.
Gentlemen, the words are all out there.
I just arrange them in a financially rewarding way.
- Classic Hastings. - Droll. Droll is what it is.
That by any chance isn't the --
the next Silverton novel, is it?
You mean "Locomotive for Murder"?
Crackerjack.
It's not even out yet, and I'm sad about finishing it.
Well, I hope you won't be disappointed.
Lovely to meet you.
What's your process?
Are the characters just speaking through you?
How important is plot?
Here's an idea -- how would you two like
to sit quietly and read the first chapter?
- Oh... - What?
- ...my... - What?
- ...God. - What?
Rest assured.
Your treasure is in good hands.
We are also members of the artistic community.
Clown.
Magician.
Nope.
What? We're on a train,
and I'm embracing a romantic style of travel.
I get it, and I love it.
Wonderful Victorian tea hat.
Thank you. Top-notch travel derby.
Ma'am. See you at high tea.
He acts like someone with low "T."
Ah.
Ugh, I forgot my magazines when I was buying gum.
Oh, it's hard to do two things at once.
You got an extra book?
Well, I'm re-reading "Jane Eyre,"
but I've got "Anna Karenina" on deck.
What you got?
"Hurricane Harriet." It's mostly pictures.
Sold. Move over.
So, what's Harriet's deal?
She's a ditzy girl who causes problems for everyone,
but never realizes it.
Doesn't sound very realistic.
Ah, do you guys know where the bathroom is?
Oh, back there.
Isn't it that way?
Doesn't matter.
First-class ticket, please.
I just came looking for the bathroom.
My ticket is in my seat.
Do you have any idea how many times a day I hear that?
Just go back where you came from.
Go back where I came from?
Okay.
I see how it is.
So, Harriet just sent those people right into a bear cave?
She never knows what she's doing.
What an idiot.
Excuse me.
You mind if I sit here?
Uh, no.
You have a beautiful smile.
Thanks.
They make fun of you for wearing your headgear,
but, hey, look at me now.
Tickets?
Oh, yeah.
Uh, honey, do you have my ticket?
No.
I'm pretty sure I gave you my ticket, babe.
Sorry, babe. Back to coach.
I forgive you.
Come find me.
"Mom has always been a free spirit."
"She has also helped to free a lot of spirits from bottles
'cause the woman's a boozehound!" Hello!
Yeah, I'm not gonna put that in.
Uh, how about this one?
"The secret to her chocolate chip cookies
was a dash of salt --"
"And two scoops of crazy because the lady's imbalanced."
Hello!
Claire, this is toast, not a roast.
Are you uncomfortable because, for the first time in your life,
you have to be the straight man?
Hello!
Saying "hello" doesn't make mean things funny.
I like it.
Well, you don't get to decide.
How come you get to decide?
'Cause Mom asked me and not you.
I included you because I felt bad.
That's fine. I don't care.
You can do it yourself.
- I don't care. - Claire.
Wait.
Nope.
This is a $20.
When my wife shows up later, "iced tea" means Scotch.
Grandpa, do you think it's weird
Nana invited you to her wedding?
I think it's the least-weird thing Dede's ever done.
Well, if she was so bad, why'd you ever marry her?
We were young.
She was cute, but the constant nuttiness of Dede
wore me down, robbed me of my will to live.
One day, she pushed me off the edge.
I ran out of the house.
They found me shirtless in the local fire station.
Excuse me.
This, uh, Dede that you're speaking of --
um, is that Dede Pritchett, by chance?
Do you know her?
She's marrying my father.
You're kidding.
No. We're traveling to the wedding right now...
if there is one.
I've got to call Dad.
I told you that woman was off.
Just ridiculous.
I'm gonna need $18 back.
Uh, excuse me.
Uh, hi, Mr. Hastings.
Um, do you know -- have they developed a cure yet?
For what?
A blown mind -- because we have two of them.
You're too kind.
- Oh. - Oh, thank you.
Well, we are just dying to know how the conductor got
all the way from the front to the back, kill the ambassador,
and not be seen?
There's an escape hatch in the control room.
Oh.
He climbs up, crawls his way across
the top of the train to the caboose.
There, his feet firmly planted, thanks to magnetic shoes,
he hangs down, shoots the ambassador,
then crawls back the way he came.
That is so ingenious.
How does he avoid the video cameras?
- Yeah. - I beg your pardon.
On top of the train.
He's on a train that doesn't have any cameras.
Oh, no, they all have cameras now -- Big Brother.
I just read an article about it in Rail World,
the magazine in your seat pocket --
also a great interview with amateur conductor
Valerie Bertinelli.
Well, if that's true, then the murder isn't possible.
And if the ambassador is still alive,
then there's no reason for Silverton to be in Nigeria.
And if that's the case, he's not at the coup,
which means the whole thing doesn't work.
Dear God, I have no book.
Oh.
I have no book!
Now I wish I hadn't circled the typos.
What are you still doing here? Go find him.
I don't know.
Come on, it's a better love story
than the one you're reading.
You're the beautiful, high-class, smart girl,
and he's the poor boy duct-taping his shoes
with a bunch of hobos in coach.
It's a $20 difference.
Alex, you got this.
Trains make guys crazy.
When were you ever on a train?
In Vegas, between my plane and the luggage area.
Stuff went down.
Fine. I'll go for it.
Oh, wait.
Nope.
Manny likes hats, doesn't he?
Ooh, someone's still got a crush.
I'm not proud o4\frz359.9\pos(733.22,432.22)}إحصاء زوار اليوم Dialogue: 1,0:06:20.69,0:06:20.73,Metro,,0,0,0,,إحصاء زوار اليوم Dialogue: 0,0:06:20.69,0:06:20.73,Metro,,0,0,0,,إحصاء زوار \Nهذه السنة Dialogue: 1,0:06:20.69,0:06:20.73,Metro,,0,0,0,,إحصاء زوار \Nهذه السنة Dialogue: 0,0:06:20.73,0:06:20.77,Metro,,0,0,0,,إحصاء زوار اليوم Dialogue: 1,0:06:20.73,0:06:20.77,Metro,,0,0,0,,إحصاء زوار اليوم Dialogue: 0,0:06:20.73,0:06:20.77,Metro,,0,0,0,,إحصاء زوار \Nهذه السنة Dialogue: 1,0:06:20.73,0:06:20.77,Metro,,0,0,0,,إحصاء زوار \Nهذه السنة Dialogue: 0,0:06:20.77,0:06:20.81,Metro,,0,0,0,,إحصاء زوار اليوم Dialogue: 1,0:06:20.77,0:06:20.81,Metro,,0,0,0,,إحصاء زوار اليوم Dialogue: 0,0:06:20.77,0:06:20.81,Metro,,0,0,0,,إحصاء زوار \Nهذه السنة Dialogue: 1,0:06:20.77,0:06:20.81,Metro,,0,0,0,,إحصاء زوار \Nهذه السنة Dialogue: 0,0:06:20.81,0:06:20.85,Metro,,0,0,0,,إحصاء زوار اليوم Dialogue: 1,0:06:20.81,0:06:20.85,Metro,,0,0,0,,إحصاء زوار اليوم Dialogue: 0,0:06:20.81,0:06:20.85,Metro,,0,0,0,,إحصاء زوار \Nهذه السنة Dialogue: 1,0:06:20.81,0:06:20.85,Metro,,0,0,0,,إحصاء زوار \Nهذه السنة Dialogue: 0,0:06:20.85,0:06:20.90,Metro,,0,0,0,,إحصاء زوار اليوم Dialogue: 1,0:06:20.85,0:06:20.90,Metro,,0,0,0,,إحصاء زوار اليوم Dialogue: 0,0:06:20.85,0:06:20.90,Metro,,0,0,0,,إحصاء زوار \Nهذه السنة Dialogue: 1,0:06:20.85,0:06:20.90,Metro,,0,0,0,,إحصاء زوار \Nهذه السنة Dialogue: 10,0:06:23.77,0:06:25.23,Default,,0,0,0,,فعلت كل هذا؟ Dialogue: 10,0:06:25.23,0:06:26.34,Default,,0,0,0,,!ليس بعد Dialogue: 10,0:06:26.34,0:06:27.69,Default,,0,0,0,,!هذه ليست النهاية Dialogue: 10,0:06:27.69,0:06:29.57,Default,,0,0,0,,!هذا هو الشخص الذي خانتني بسببه Dialogue: 0,0:06:29.57,0:06:29.61,Metro,,0,0,0,,إحصاء زوار اليوم Dialogue: 1,0:06:29.57,0:06:29.61,Metro,,0,0,0,,إحصاء زوار اليوم Dialogue: 0,0:06:29.57,0:06:29.61,Metro,,0,0,0,,إحصاء زوار \Nهذه السنة Dialogue: 1,0:06:29.57,0:06:29.61,Metro,,0,0,0,,إحصاء زوار \Nهذه السنة Dialogue: 0,0:06:29.61,0:06:29.65,Metro,,0,0,0,,إحصاء زوار اليوم Dialogue: 1,0:06:29.61,0:06:29.65,Metro,,0,0,0,,إحصاء زوار اليوم Dialogue: 0,0:06:29.61,0:06:29.65,Metro,,0,0,0,,إحصاء زوار \Nهذه السنة Dialogue: 1,0:06:29.61,0:06:29.65,Metro,,0,0,0,,إحصاء زوار \Nهذه السنة Dialogue: 0,0:06:29.65,0:06:29.70,Metro,,0,0,0,,إحصاء زوار اليوم Dialogue: 1,0:06:29.65,0:06:29.70,Metro,,0,0,0,,إحصاء زوار اليوم Dialogue: 0,0:06:29.65,0:06:29.70,Metro,,0,0,0,,إحصاء زوار \Nهذه السنة Dialogue: 1,0:06:29.65,0:06:29.70,Metro,,0,0,0,,إحصاء زوار \Nهذه السنة Dialogue: 0,0:06:29.70,0:06:29.74,Metro,,0,0,0,,إحصاء زوار اليوم Dialogue: 1,0:06:29.70,0:06:29.74,Metro,,0,0,0,,إحصاء زوار اليوم Dialogue: 0,0:06:29.70,0:06:29.74,Metro,,0,0,0,,إحصاء زوار \Nهذه السنة Dialogue: 1,0:06:29.70,0:06:29.74,Metro,,0,0,0,,إحصاء زوار \Nهذه السنة Dialogue: 0,0:06:29.74,0:06:29.78,Metro,,0,0,0,,إحصاء زوار اليوم Dialogue: 1,0:06:29.74,0:06:29.78,Metro,,0,0,0,,إحصاء زوار اليوم Dialogue: 0,0:06:29.74,0:06:29.78,Metro,,0,0,0,,إحصاء زوار \Nهذه السنة Dialogue: 1,0:06:29.74,0:06:29.78,Metro,,0,0,0,,إحصاء زوار \Nهذه السنة Dialogue: 0,0:06:29.78,0:06:29.82,Metro,,0,0,0,,إحصاء زوار اليوم Dialogue: 1,0:06:29.78,0:06:29.82,Metro,,0,0,0,,إحصاء زوار اليوم Dialogue: 0,0:06:29.78,0:06:29.82,Metro,,0,0,0,,إحصاء زوار \Nهذه السنة Dialogue: 1,0:06:29.78,0:06:29.82,Metro,,0,0,0,,إحصاء زوار \Nهذه السنة Dialogue: 0,0:06:29.82,0:06:29.86,Metro,,0,0,0,,إحصاء زوار اليوم Dialogue: 1,0:06:29.82,0:06:29.86,Metro,,0,0,0,,إحصاء زوار اليوم Dialogue: 0,0:06:29.82,0:06:29.86,Metro,,0,0,0,,إحصاء زوار \Nهذه السنة Dialogue: 1,0:06:29.82,0:06:29.86,Metro,,0,0,0,,إحصاء زوار \Nهذه السنة Dialogue: 0,0:06:29.86,0:06:29.91,Metro,,0,0,0,,إحصاء زوار اليوم Dialogue: 1,0:06:29.86,0:06:29.91,Metro,,0,0,0,,إحصاء ز
as I often do for my work with, uh, the children,
has got to be the scenery.
Yeah?
What's your favorite spot?
Well, I'd have to say the spot where, uh...
the Rio Grande pours into Lake Superior.
Huh. I don't think I've seen that.
Can you excuse me for just a pinch?
Sure.
What are you doing?
Getting swollen 'cause that's how you close.
Oh, by the way,
if you see a tie on our door, Luke's starting to score.
It's a little hard to root for you right now.
So, where were we?
Is this your first time seeing the Central Coast, Big Sur?
No, it's not, little miss.
I can't wait to watch the sunset over the Andes tonight.
Not like my view right now isn't fantastic.
You're cute.
You know, if you're into it,
I think I could show you a few things.
Uh... it's a little loud in here.
Maybe we should go somewhere more quiet.
Sure.
Really?
Trains.
You're so serious.
I want to make sure I capture your beauty.
Can I see yet?
I hope you like it.
Oh!
So, he's not an artist. Who cares?
People in first class think they have it made
with their early boarding
and their slightly cleaner seats.
But they don't know what living is.
I'll take a long line for the bathroom
if that bathroom is in heaven.
I'm so glad you came back here.
Me too.
This feels weird.
Do you have a compartment?
I do, but how will you get up there?
I'll find a way.
I promise.
Oh, by the way, I'm in compartment 18B,
as in, "Boy, are you cute."
Idiot. Just keep walking.
Got it.
I have a signal.
Oh, good. Guys, guys, guys, come on.
The only signal we need is this.
My kids in the back -- they don't hate Dede.
They're preparing a roast for the wedding.
That's how our family shows love.
You'll get a taste of it at the reception.
What are you, Italian?
We'll do a whole thing,
unless you shoot the place up first.
- Oh. - See? That kind of stuff.
Jay Pritchett, I am going to strangle you!
I don't know why you're pretending
that you don't know me,
but I'm sure it's for some stupid and selfish reason!
She really is your wife?
For now.
Pretty soon, you're gonna be getting on a train
to my next wedding.
You're driving me insane.
Oh, I see what's going on.
Don't listen to her.
Dede's not crazy. You are.
Sure. That works.
Who are you?
Oh, I'm Carl.
Uh, my father's marrying Dede.
Yes, he is, and let's celebrate.
Drinks on me.
What the heck.
And, again, I'm sorry to have worried you guys about Dede.
Oh, please.
It's not like Carl's father is such a prize.
What?
He snapped and burned your mom's house down.
She's kidding.
Uh, we're doing a roast, too.
Yeah, right. Your mother was almost a roast.
We needed to prove that the crime was feasible,
so I would play the role of engineer/murderer.
And I would play the role of everyone else.
When my hometown theater's production of "Robin Hood"
was lacking a leading lady, I stepped into the role
of Maid Marian in addition to playing the Friar.
- Tuck? - Didn't have to.
The costume hid it quite nicely.
Sunday dinner!
What?!
The Turkish ambassador's bodyguard
was instructed to neutralize anyone who looks suspicious.
Ustten!
What?
It's Turkish for "from the top."
I have a lot of downtime while you're resetting.
Oh.
Woof!
Did you forget Count Maxim Du Vernay
brought his service shar-pei?
If I'm being honest, I skimmed that part.
Again!
Hi. You ready for me?
I believe I've Googled everything I need to know.
So, let's get started.
This is California.
Lake Superior is here, all the way across --
Are you trying to take off my shoe?
I thought you wanted to show me things.
I do.
I'm a geography teacher, and, boy, do you need one.
Are you kidding me?
If her new husband is an arsonist,
you guys have to tell her.
Everybody, calm down. The guy burned down one house.
He's not in jail, so he's got the government's A-okay.
I recently discovered I have some issues with Mom,
but I love her.
I don't want her to wake up in a burning house
just so you don't have to pay alimony.
I love Mom, too... usually.
But if this wedding doesn't happen,
you know where she's gonna end up in 10 years --
su casa or... my... casa.
Besides, the first wife obviously drove the guy nuts.
How do we know your mother's gonna --
Oh, geez.
Luke, you're such a quick learner.
Thanks. I had no idea that was there.
Come in.
Is that you?
Uh-huh.
I'll be out in a second.
This is so naughty.
I was going to see Alex and let her down easy.
I mean, she's family. It's taboo.
I'm sorry.
I shouldn't be judgy, especially when, you know, trains.
Ooh. Dark. I like it.
I-I was going to let you down!
You sure did!
Well, your hat was garish.
Excuse me.
Have any of you guys seen the guy
I was dancing with earlier?
So, it turns out James got off right after I left him.
On a possibly unrelated note, my wallet is gone.
Trains.
Mr. Hastings, we did it.
We made it to the caboose and back without being seen.
Your book works.
I can't believe it. Are you sure?
- Yes! - Yes.
It's a combination of slithering, clever disguise,
and not to write the book for you,
but it would help if the Count had a wooden hand.
Well, I was sort of in that area anyway.
A thousand thank-yous.
Silverton lives!
Yay!
Hi. Oh, you guys are doing that book thing, right?
- Yeah. - Well, I don't know if this helps at all,
but I was just talking to the engineer.
It turns out he can't leave the controls
because of what's called a dead man's switch.
If he takes his foot off of it, the whole train stops.
Anyway, you're welcome,0:20:51.49,0:20:52.32,Simple Enough,,0,0,0,,m 0 0 l 100 0 100 100 0 100 Dialogue: 1,0:20:51.49,0:20:52.32,Simple Enough,,0,0,0,,m 0 0 l 100 0 100 100 0 100 Dialogue: 1,0:20:51.49,0:20:52.32,Simple Enough,,0,0,0,,m 0 0 l 100 0 100 100 0 100 Dialogue: 1,0:20:51.49,0:20:52.32,Simple Enough,,0,0,0,,m 0 0 l 100 0 100 100 0 100 Dialogue: 1,0:20:51.49,0:20:52.32,Simple Enough,,0,0,0,,m 0 0 l 100 0 100 100 0 100 Dialogue: 1,0:20:51.49,0:20:52.32,Simple Enough,,0,0,0,,m 0 0 l 100 0 100 100 0 100 Dialogue: 1,0:20:51.49,0:20:52.32,Simple Enough,,0,0,0,,m 0 0 l 100 0 100 100 0 100 Dialogue: 1,0:20:51.49,0:20:52.32,Simple Enough,,0,0,0,,m 0 0 l 100 0 100 100 0 100 Dialogue: 1,0:20:51.49,0:20:52.32,Simple Enough,,0,0,0,,m 0 0 l 100 0 100 100 0 100 Dialogue: 1,0:20:51.49,0:20:52.32,Simple Enough,,0,0,0,,m 0 0 l 100 0 100 100 0 100 Dialogue: 1,0:20:51.49,0:20:52.32,Simple Enough,,0,0,0,,m 0 0 l 100 0 100 100 0 100 Dialogue: 1,0:20:51.49,0:20:52.32,Simple Enough,,0,0,0,,m 0 0 l 100 0 100 100 0 100 Dialogue: 1,0:20:51.49,0:20:52.32,Simple Enough,,0,0,0,,m 0 0 l 100 0 100 100 0 100 Dialogue: 1,0:20:51.49,0:20:52.32,Simple Enough,,0,0,0,,m 0 0 l 100 0 100 100 0 100 Dialogue: 2,0:20:51.49,0:20:52.32,Simple Enough,,0,0,0,,المكتب Dialogue: 10,0:20:55.48,0:20:56.06,Default,,0,0,0,,جيد Dialogue: 10,0:20:56.57,0:20:58.11,Default,,0,0,0,,أبدو مثاليًّا اليوم أيضًا Dialogue: 10,0:20:58.39,0:20:59.23,Default,,0,0,0,,كانيي-كن؟ Dialogue: 10,0:20:59.82,0:21:01.90,Default,,0,0,0,,سينتو، تأخّرتِ Dialogue: 10,0:21:01.90,0:21:03.24,Default,,0,0,0,,ما الذي تفعله هنا؟ Dialogue: 10,0:21:03.57,0:21:05.49,Default,,0,0,0,,ما زال هذا المنتزه مليئًا بالمشاكل Dialogue: 10,0:21:06.11,0:21:09.99,Default,,0,0,0,,إذا أصبحتم مغرورين لبلوغكم الهدف، فستتوقّفون عن العمل جيدًا Dialogue: 10,0:21:09.99,0:21:11.45,Default,,0,0,0,,...أيعني هذا أنك Dialogue: 10,0:21:11.79,0:21:13.66,Default,,0,0,0,,لا وقت لديّ للثرثرة Dialogue: 10,0:21:14.03,0:21:15.63,Default,,0,0,0,,ما هو جدول اليوم؟ Dialogue: 10,0:21:15.63,0:21:16.57,Default,,0,0,0,,سأرى Dialogue: 10,0:21:16.57,0:21:19.17,Default,,0,0,0,,لدينا اجتماعٌ ما قبل الافتتاح أولاً Dialogue: 10,0:21:19.17,0:21:20.30,Default,,0,0,0,,حسنًا، لنذهب Dialogue: 10,0:21:27.88,0:21:29.05,Default,,0,0,0,,كانيي-ساما Dialogue: 10,0:21:29.61,0:21:30.65,Default,,0,0,0,,سأبقى Dialogue: 10,0:21:31.18,0:21:35.39,Default,,0,0,0,,أظنني سأبقى حتى يتم حل جميع المشاكل Dialogue: 10,0:21:35.39,0:21:35.81,Default,,0,0,0,,!حسنًا Dialogue: 10,0:21:36.19,0:21:37.31,Default,,0,0,0,,!كونوا ممتنّين Dialogue: 10,0:21:37.79,0:21:41.32,Default,,0,0,0,,لا تحصلون على شخصٍ طيّب مثلي دومًا Dialogue: 10,0:21:44.34,0:21:45.70,Default,,0,0,0,,هل أنتم مستعدّون للافتتاح؟ Dialogue: 10,0:21:45.70,0:21:46.70,Default,,0,0,0,,!أجل Dialogue: 10,0:21:47.19,0:21:49.70,Default,,0,0,0,,!حريٌّ بكم ترفيه الضيوف بكامل طاقتكم Dialogue: 10,0:21:49.70,0:21:50.95,Default,,0,0,0,,!حان وقت العرض Dialogue: 10,0:21:53.05,0:21:53.95,Default,,0,0